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Knowing When to Get Help
Co-Authored by Dr. Mai Lopez-Roces
One late afternoon in mid-2004, AM, a stockbroker, completed his first major solo trade - that is, trading stocks and portfolios of a major client on his own, based on his perceptions of risks and rewards, and without the coaching or prodding of a senior broker. The trade signaled that AM was no longer a trainee, but was now part of the ranks of the "elite". A two million peso trade and it felt like he was on fire. The atmosphere was electric, or so AM thought.
"It was a particularly risky trade, and I had to go in and get out as fast as the system would let me. I knew I was getting a big commission out of it, but the money wasn't really what it was all about. I felt like no one can touch me. I owned the world! This was a ‘high'," AM related.
He quickly rose through the ranks, getting even bigger clients who were willing to let him play around with their money. Eventually, AM gained a reputation as somebody who can give his clients higher returns for their investments, his risky - reckless is more apt - methods notwithstanding. He was rich, happily married and respected in the finance world.
Two years later, AM lost all it all. But rather than take a step back, he tried to recoup his losses, investing and risking more, as if willing the market to his wishes. Soon, he not only had major losses, but almost brought his company down with him. Beneath the surface of his reckless confidence, his family noticed changes such as frequent outbursts, sleeping late and waking up early, neglecting his usual routine such as jogging and golf as he focused more and more on trying to prove himself back.
“He was a passionate and driven man” his wife says, “but this time, he seemed to have excluded us in his goals and had nothing else on his life but work, work, work. The changes were initially subtle but one day, I just realized, he was not the man I married. And when I found out that he started to gamble so he can invest more, touching our savings and even selling our cars, I knew we had to get help”
Now, AM's back. But former colleagues will not recognize this tamer, seemingly guarded version of AM. Those who do recognize him will not see the swagger and self-assuredness that people used to associate him with. In sharing his experiences, he says. "I'd like people to treat my experiences as a cautionary tale. The main thesis will be on the value of risk aversion. I was never scared of risks. I embraced it. People expected that from me." he recalled.
What’s almost never talked about was AM's subsequent nervous breakdown and his struggles in therapy. A few days after the unraveling of his risky trades, AM began suffering from mild panic attacks, sudden weeping fits, and an inexplicable feeling and urgent need to do something reckless. The exact feeling, he says, is a terrible want to get high. This was when his gambling also started.
Eventually, his family decided to have him admitted to a psychiatric facility. He was diagnosed as suffering from Bipolar disorder and thus left the finance world. As he explained, an associate laughed at his face when he told him at that time that he was seeing a psychiatrist. People like AM are expected to quietly deal with their illness. But how can one do so when most people will not categorize his struggles as an illness in itself, let alone be able to diagnose it and know when to seek help?
While AM now believes his diagnosis for Bipolar disorder was spot-on, his initial suspicions of it are, rightly or wrongly, characteristic of attitude towards mental illness, where only truly crazy people deal with psychiatric problems, while drinking, gambling, and vices are encouraged. The hesitation towards seeking professional help comes mainly from the stigma attached to it.
There is difficulty in identifying abnormal behavior versus certain prejudices, beliefs and behavior which compounds the problem. Certain behaviors which may cause distress in one area may in fact be embraced or encouraged in another because that is simply what culture, or in AM’s case, his working environment dictates.
But cultural and institutional prejudices aside, the key is the timeliness of knowing when to seek professional help. AM was fortunate in this regard, as he was prodded by family to do so and at the same time was also willing to seek help. But the majority aren’t as lucky. Moreover, the lack of information and tendency for self-diagnosis, results in one doing nothing… at least not until, crisis happens.
The behavior exhibited by AM led to such degree that he exercised poor judgment, which made him do unnecessary risks. Even without the gambling problem setting in, his sleep difficulties, extreme behavior and dysfunctional work and relationships are blaring RED FLAGS which should’ve signaled that he needed help.
Overt symptoms may signal need for professional help: excessive sadness or extreme mood swings, recurrent anxiety (especially if with very discomforting symptoms like palpitations, tremors, hyperventilation), suicidal thoughts, psychosis such as auditory hallucinations or delusions, and substance use problems. However, in cases like AM where functioning is intact to some degree, the lines are more blurry. More subtle clues that consult is needed will include problems with relationships with friends or family members, difficulties at work or at school, oversleeping, overeating, recklessness, depression, promiscuity, difficulty with emotional expression, delayed physical or mental development, difficulty in concentration or attentiveness.
But the general rule-of-thumb should be this: If one feels or experiences mental health concerns, seek appropriate treatment and care. Most will start by talking to family or friends, or even to work supervisors, pastors, priests or community elders, but this should always lead to a professional. Psychiatric disorders are medical, and as with any medical problem, remember that treatment is always available.
AM is one of the many faces of people whose lives have unnecessarily been complicated should he have sought help earlier. He adds, “Do I regret having made those risks? I’m not sure. Do I regret seeing a shrink for this? A resounding no. I know better now. It came a bit late but I’m still hoping there’s something out there for me. It’s a drag, sure but things could’ve been far more worse. “ He shudders at the thought.